The year is gone. 2009 was the year that I...

...got so much more freedom from my parents. (No more "Mom can I go out tomorrow?" but "Hey mom I'm going out tomorrow" hehe)

...knew the results of my O levels

...got into my dream JC (no kidding, I literally dreamt of going ACJC heh)

...got to know so many people; Abbas, random friends of friends during orientation, harp, ManiAC, CF, bleachers, 1SA5

...lost someone I held very close (possibly closest) to my heart.

...finally admitted to liking someone after months of denial

...actually broke down over school work stress

...stayed in school to study till 930

...studied so hard my mum had to ask my dad if I were 'okay'

...went out a lot I found myself constantly in debt/eating cereal brought from home

...made a few of the best friends ever

...made friends with people I shouldn't have been friends with

...learnt a lot more about myself

...finally stepped out of Europe

...learnt a new instrument (harp)

...never changed my blog template (I normally change every few months or so)

...picked up running towards the end of the year

...watched more movies than I should be

And that's just the start. 2009 was the year I graduated from Mg. A tearful goodbye, I remember singing the school song in tears when we sang it on 12th Jan, the day we collected our O level results. Nothing beats MGS. Although AC was definitely fun, it was also full of politics, boys, bitches...Mg was so much more carefree. Now I would tell people I enjoy going to AC because that building is like my shelter, protecting me from the outside world. But who's going to protect me from the people within? I miss MG, because then Mg would protect me from everything. No one inside would hurt you...at least, no one hurt me there.

Then there was the founder's day graduating service. Wow how I've missed MGS so much. But I guess now isn't the time to dwell on the past, but to look towards the future. Only if we work toward it can we make it a better one. I've made a few resolutions, such as

1. Running at least once a week

2. Saving $2 a week. (Don't underestimate. When A levels end I'll have around 100 more to spend. HAH)

3. Studying hard, going out less

4. Stop taking a few people for granted

Hope I'll keep all those. Meanwhile, have a happy 2010 guys, we've made it thus far.

It's already 1st of Jan 2010 so I've forgotten a lot of things, and I'm lazy to write more than a lot of things. But anyway the cities of Holland I visited were Rotterdam, Amsterdam, The Hague, Utrecht. And in England we visited Cambridgeshire and London. (My friend asked me the most bimbotic question I've heard from a guy. "Huh isn't England in like, Britain or something?" heh).

We felt like tourist, getting lost in a foreign land, walking twice the pace of anyone so we could see more places, spending money like we didn't care...okay actually we did. Only towards the end we didn't because we had too much euro and those can't be used in Singapore heh heh. Seeing things that we'll never see in Singapore such as SNOW, people smoking almost every where, shops openly selling weed, people eating in trains (it's legal), and DOGS on trains wow that was freaky heh.

And then there was the airplane rides. Going there was not a problem. Dark skies and in-flight entertainment, food that excited me, movies that never seemed to end...and plus the prospect of seeing my sister after quite long.

Going back however, was different.

It was quite relieving to see complementary copies of The Straits Times, felt a bit Singaporean heh. Boarding a day flight so there was more to see. We flew between the clouds, which were so thick and dense that when you are at the bottom, you don't really see a sky. That's why in winter it's all grey. Even the sky's a shade of light grey. There's no blue, not at all. So when we peered down there was nothing but clouds, but when we looked up, there was an endless sky. Not for long though, the sun came up so strong it was almost blinding.

A few movies and many rounds of Bejewelled later, we opened the windows and it was still too sunny. After a while, the sun started to set, and it was one of the most beautiful sights, ever. Can you imagine seeing the sun set so close to you? And I'm not even talking about the setting sun on the horizon by the beach. I'm talking about seeing the sun so big and close. And we were flying through the sky, so the sun's position would seem to move. And one side of the sky would be bright, and the other would be clothed in darkness.

And then few hours later you open the window shafts and it's dark, so you peer down and you can actually see a whole city, and I saw a highway, marked by street lights along the road.

And then there was the air sickness. Puking once on the plane, and another time at the airport.

But I bought a lot of things! A wallet, postcards, chocolates, fudge, sweets etc. And I got two new shirts and THE LATEST DASHBOARD CD all for free! :D

Forgettable the trip may be, I still enjoyed it. Somewhat. :)

Okay, I promised to update heh heh. So what's up with my life? Nothing much really. Went out with the usual 2 others a few times, watched a movie worse than Jennifer's Body, had harp camp, and CCAAB. :) And not to forget, 4E class party! *inserts a billion hearts*

Before harp camp was Chem Olympiad. It was very funny, because all of us couldn't do the paper! We, Joanne Joey and I gave each other the "OMG I don't want to do this anymore, can we leave?" look and then we all nodded at each other and we left halfway :) at first I thought Joey wrote some stuff on the paper, so it must have been possible to do the questions, only for him to say after the paper, "I was trying to draw faces with all the organic compounds." Right. Haha!

And there was the outing with Stef and ZhiHao, and Nat's surprise party, but I am lazy to upload photos hehe.
I'm off to watch Momo Love, bye!

To God be the Glory, the Best is yet to Be.

I know I haven't updated about so many things...Harp camp, CCAAB, and gym and stef and church...but soon, I promise! Today is just not a good day. Ugh.

Please please please, I beg of you, don't rewind our friendship to May and June. I cannot take this anymore. I swear, ten times over, your friendship is worth infinitely more times than him. If you think I betrayed your trust, I didn't. I didn't tell him, I didn't say anything about you. If giving him up and everything he and I stood for means I would have you back as one of my best friends, you know I would do it, at the drop of a hat. I don't think I've wanted to save a friendship this badly, but this time, I'm desperate. I cannot lose you.

PLEASE BRING US BACK TO OUR HAPPY MOMENTS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.

--

Amidst all these shit going on in my life, there's still some aspects of nice-ness in my life. For example, after over sleeping yesterday, I met up with Asriel for some shopping, and then dinner with my Fish and Co Bros For Life gang and froze to death at Starbucks.

I don't have any mood to blog. I just want my friend back.

"i'd be lying if I told you, losing you was something I could handle"

Why did you lie? I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Skipped dinner today, and tomorrow I'm gonna fast.

Lightning. Bright for that moment, fleeting, and when it's gone, everything else appears darker than the way it appeared before. Dangerous, but oh, how amazing to watch. It's like sometimes when your life is going so much downhill and then you think your life is such a joke and you start laughing and laughing and you don't even know why and then you laugh until tears roll down your face and so what now? Are you laughing or crying now? And when we empty all our tears, are we emptier than before? And you sit down, you're so exhausted and you are on the floor, comatose, and alone. But how? Are you going to do anything about your life? Fight your way back up to normalcy, or do you just want a downward spiral, and see how far you have to go before you hit rock bottom?

For me, I'm going to try option two. Just watch me.

Now that we've burned all the bridges that we've built?

But most importantly,

Do you even care?

--

Chinese was a sad day. Hitched a ride from my new neighbour, and let my A slip by like that. Went out with The New Neighbour and another friend for lunch because we didn't wanna go home. (Bros and hoes for life man!) And we watched Jennifer's Body omggg it sucked really badly, we were all cringing and crying out "When is this movie going to end" hahaha. So if you read this, don't watch it. Hah.

I'll set myself on fire, because there is nothing left to burn.

God has not forsaken you. He's there if you cry out to him. You have no idea how much I care for you, but seeing as I honestly don't mean anything to you, I don't think I have a right to show that I care. But if you do read this, you know who you are, and know that I care, and I'm still sorry for everything that happened on tuesday. I wish I could know what you are thinking, please tell me directly because I hate the way we are (not) communicating now.

Today half my class skipped GP, and I studied with Han Lin/Hanz/Lin Lin/Xiao Lin/ Han Han/ HENRY for a while before knocking out for a while and then going for CF.

For all that's happened this week, I really don't know what to say.

Went for some SIM seminar, and left feeling real stupid. I don't even know why I'm there. I've been mediocre my whole life. This is kinda like a 'wow' thing to me, let's see how long I hold out.

Let's all starve. I'm on a downward spiral, do you care?